Big Gay Scarecrow

Well, hello there 2012. I know one of my 2011 resolutions was to blog more but I’m afraid that did not go very well. I will try harder this year.

Reflecting back on my year, my 2011 – my year of being 23 – was a roller coaster. My previous posts have been pretty emo to say the least, but I don’t regret anything that happened. Things happen for a reason and there are some who believe that at 23 a lot of things change; which did for me at least.

At 23, I learnt to let my guard down. I fell in love and was loved. We were separated when he moved back to his country. I traveled. I met new people. I moved back to KL from London after more than 5 years living there and started a new chapter in my life. I got my first full-time job in publishing and began to learn more about the city I was brought up in; there is still so much I don’t know. I was hurt and heart broken, but I made a good friend in return. I cried a lot. I realised that things that happened when I was a child still affect me today. I learnt how to drive. I made new friends and got to see my old friends again. I did and said stupid things. I tried to decide and let go.

I haven’t really thought about all my resolutions for 2012, but one of them is to be happy.

My last sunset in London
(for now)

I will never forget the morning we parted ways. That tear you shed for me is one of the most precious gifts I have ever received.

Here’s a great cover by HTRK, taken from their ‘Eat Yr Heart/Sweetheart’ single. I didn’t get to see HTRK when Sean was still around. I only caught their first gig after he passed away and it was a really amazing, emotional gig.

Sweetheart (A. K. A. Love You) [Suicide Cover] by ghostly

I absoultely love this cover. It expresses exactly how I’ve been feeling of late.

心が

Has it only been 3 months since I’ve left London?

I still have so many leftover projects from London, it’s insane. I have to apologise that it’s been taking so long, but hopefully I will be able to at least finish my mega-photoessay soon. It’s a mega-photoessay because I needed to narrow down 2000+ photos from 5 days of soundchecks/gigs/post-gigs and condense it into something that works together. So far, things are looking good but there are still a number of photos I need to edit – and then there’s the question of how to present it. Oh dear! But it’s still pretty exciting!

Summer has been busy so far (it’s kind of strange that I’m refering to this certain time frame as summer in the land of eternal summer, but oh well!) with family and friends visiting. I also started my job a little more than a month ago, which has kept me busy. I have been taking a lot of photos for work but not a lot of my life (as usual) but I really hope to change that. I also have my driving test next week!

The last 2 weeks has been bloody emotional, but I’m trying to keep myself distracted and positive.

Overall, things are well in Malaysia!

Sometimes I use the “I am a girl” excuse to jusitfy some of my feelings – but when I think about it, it’s just a lazy way to explain how I feel. Yes, I am a girl and maybe girls are more sensitive, but using that excuse doesn’t help me or whoever it is understand how I really feel and why I feel that way.

I’m trying to understand.

私は女です。

Tell me it’s worth it.